Possibly the best letter ever to come out of the Inland Revenue....
Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication,

and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps

more properly be referred to as a "tax demand".

This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred

to such documents. Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent

whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However,

whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that

their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might

indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little

ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters

do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see

you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that

the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services",

a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government

in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you

provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in

fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish

lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for

example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the

postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has

never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant,

the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your 

decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole

foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations